Speaking it into existence...
The Media Review
and Messages to Political Leaders
Thoughts & Comments
Muzak

Favorite remarks from site user:

"Good job on keeping things cool and well spoken.  Your website exhibits quite a bit of control - your adjectives could include evil bastards every now and again without being extreme."

and, regarding a piece I wrote for another purpose called

"The Privilege & Honor of Serving A Commitment"

"...statement is right on and could have been written by me, I have always felt this passionately about justice and equality!  The sentiment expressed there is the only viable goal for humanity I think.

11/25/2002 - The first rough of the first chapter is online if you're interested. I'm having someone take a look at it for editing.  It'll be there for a couple of days.

Ever have something cut you so deep that you just can't seem to let it go, no matter how many logical spins you give to it? Because you know you've been jerked around, and the only recourse you have is to exceed someone else's authority?  Or take em down.

Hard to believe that writing a book called for the love of the world would reinforce the basis of my contempt. But it sure doesn't convince me that I'm smart in extending my trust.

Maybe I just need to use the other skills I have.  It would be easier.

4:30 pm Mark 3:22 thru 4:29 explains the protesters. :} Don't worry, they'll hear it, run and flee, and return to the sower of seeds :} Don't get sucked into it. It's all just another manifestation of what I wrote below. Those poll questions:   be careful of what you generate, or speak into existence.

11/24 1:30pm pt

There's something I just can't seem to ignore... did you notice that in the discussions today, they talked about George Bush in terms of use of power, and with great deal of respect for authority, and  a sort of aire about them like "of course we're going to war" in order to generate thepublic perception of inevitability thereby causing an attitude of public acceptance... it's straight out of Goering...  but when talking about Gore, or any political opponent, including Canada and Germany, there's always a dissection of motives and strategies in order to cause an aura of confusion and lack of focus... anything to mis-direct the conversation from the issues. And to diminish the stature and expertise of the person they're doing it to.  This can either be done in return, or,  nullified.  This is where watching tapes of what's her name Coulter would be very useful.  She doesn't execute it well, but the structure of her responses and the way she mis-directs is textbook... absolute textbook... and you have to give up being polite about people butting in... say what they're doing on the air... expose the tactic... that's what they do.  That's what you need to do.  We know that "extreme discussion" causes extreme reaction... what extreme discussion can you cause generate that nullifies the verbal assaults?

What worked about Costner in the Postman was in the thing Holn says at the end of the movie when he and the Postman were about to fight one and one for leadership of the clan of the circle of 8.  Holn said, "You can't win because  you have nothing to fight for".  What empowers you to do what is required, to be at your best, is determined by your estimation of the threat you face.  In a "business as usual" environment, what's occurring on the airwaves is entertainment.  The news is good, but limited by formatics and such... just as the number of my webcasts is better less often because... like the Repubs... I am trying to communicate how to recognize the tactics and trends... and web traffic turns over slower... and people are looking for real answers, the ability to distinguish trends from the headlines and public facades.

But it has to relate to people's lives... not poll results and statistics... what made Perot's charts effective is the clear demonstration of trends. Remember, they made fun of his charts, and he just kept showing them.  And he dared people to laugh at him.   He understood that their enemy was the truth, it wasn't personal. He knew that his audience was not fellow politicians, but the people he was communicating to, the voters.   And he treated those voters like intelligent partners. As does Jesse Ventura, whether you agreee with him or not.  Ronald Reagan said always hit the ground running, and do something... something. People like Ventura because they don't have to wonder if he's really saying what he thinks.  Agree with him or not, people know they can trust him to say what he really thinks.  In its essence, it's nothing but quantifiable.

Hope that helps.  I gotta get back to work.

11/24/2002 - Two things  keep coming to my mind, and I can tell they'll be part of the report for tomorrow..

Peace by oppression is not peace.

and, it's kind of funny that I just got some credit cards, though, I haven't had any for 10 years... i gotta do something about this timing problem I have :}

I keep wondering about those people who already have checked me out... I wonder what they've found... I'll bet I have a pretty interesting report.

Got anothere 30 day reprieve on moving... yay.. I've been a good boy lately :} I'm starting to hear a whole different kind of music in my mind... it's interesting... that's not insanity, btw, that's songwriter talk.. :} I can see I'm going to have a fun day writing.

PS I'm doing what I can do to go up against Limbaugh... unfortunately, it may take awhile to get into position.  I would love to be his nemesis... just got to find a station brave enough to take me on.  I canceled the idea of working at music stations to push for talk radio... if anyone has any ideas let me know.  I've got a message and I know how to counter him and get the upper hand. Sure, consider that a challenge :}

10:30pm -

I look at what's happening in the world and it saddens me every bit as much as it makes me more committed. I told you what was going on in Africa.. and finally someone had the courage to say it in public. 

You look at the numbers on consumer confidence, and the numbers on confidence in the media, and then confidence in Bush, and you can't help but notice that the numbers are not consistent with the profile of a unified nation, or one satisfied in its leadership. I really do mean all that as an observation. You do see the profile of one that's scared and confused.

So far, I've identified 7 distinct historical and sociological patterns occurring at this juncture, and 2 more I hope I'm wrong about... it's amazing. And that's all based on reputable authors and historians. What a tangled web we weave.

We press forward. :}

------------------

Aggressive dictators cannot be ignored

Turkeys can be friends because they're not trying to be "not friends", they're just being turkeys. :}

2pm:  It's been interesting lately, how I keep noticing tv ads using phrases I wrote on the site months ago... it's almost as good as hearing one of my songs on the radio... :}  Something tells me I'm going to need to use an alias to sell anything :} Me and Johnny Trapdoor... :} I can tell I'm going to get alot of writing done today.  It's funny, though, I've been here, there and everywhere so much, and became acquainted with or participated in so many things... sort of being a witness to it all.. a few years back, when designing the campaigns for the Hunger Summit, we ended up with a teapot, in the tradition of Susan B. Anthony, with the inscription "Bearing witness to... the end of hunger & poverty"... actually gave that phrase   Bearing witness to...  to a few orgs to use.. I saw it the other day, I think it was advertising a movie...

I was thinking about Tom Catalano, and the absolute poetry and craftsmanship in the music of Neil Diamond... which lead to memories of some of my favorite groups and record company memories.. I learned an incredible amount by mingling with record execs and entertainment folks in LA.. I love to observe people and see what they actually have or know, regardless of the public images and personal idiosyncracies... Like, I've been working with a guy who used to be in the Motels lately, on social music... The way I ended up getting to know him is a chapter by itself...

In LA, my boss at Golden Egg Productions (home of Future File hosted by Dave McQueen) was Dick Cook... who's still doing syndication in LA... I'm not sure, but I think he was in Hot Tuna.. and when the band fell apart, he did A/R work (I think it was AR) for Clive Davis.  He used to tell us lots of stories about Clive Davis.  That's when I found out I was at the same Monterey Pops where he saw Janis and the rest... That's the same period I was in a band in school.. :}  Always on the edge...:}

So I turn on the tv, and there's Clive Davis... dancin' in his chair... and I think, anybody who's willing to be seen on tv dancing in his chair most certainly must be the real deal.  :} Talk about  a legend. Caught the liner notes on the Santana Shaman album.. a tribute to Clive Davis.. and a magnificent album that reminds me of the old Illuminations days... wow.

Anyway, it was fun to see he's still a pioneer... there are people I hold in high esteem, and I make jokes about them (it's a Rickles thing) and I really just want to tickle them to get them to let down their guards and make 'em act like kids again... it's good for the heart.. with Clive Davis, I just want to thank him for all the great music. It's made a difference in my life,  the lives of many, many true artists, and a whole lot of people who listened and believed and followed.  And people think he's just a music man, if they even know of him at all.  Ain't that the way it goes?

I was thinking 'bout my notes yesterday.. can you imagine the guys at Langley, on first read, thinking, oh, man, now he's writing messages to Superman... :} Since I can't get a pilot's license and it's unlikely I'll get to go into space, I guess you gotta get as close to the action as you can and experience what there is to experience from the view you can get. :} Now watch Christopher Reeve pop up in the news again.

Caped Crusaders?

One other thing... to any Republican officials and people who have read this from time to time... in the course of doing what we do to get people to be involved in their government, it's easy to do mass generalizations.. and it's bothered me because I've had reason to work indirectly with a number of fine elected Republican representatives... and I really haven't had or taken the time to be more discriminating. I promise you, in the future, I will not make such mass generalizations.  Just as we will begin exposing the records of certain people who I believe are detriments.  And that won't be just about Republicans at all.  Remember, I always say and mean it... I don't require people to agree with me... I require them to be willing to consider what's best for all. You might notice, I mention my respect for more Republican leaders than Democrats... it's all that stuff about standing up for principles and frugal fiscal management... in a way, it's funny to me that despite all that, I really am liberal, and I suppose, from what I've been told lately, I'm a constructionist.  And I'm absolutely fascinated by Constitutional Law.

For me, what there is to get, ultimately, by those thoughts, is how much I like to get down to the core of issues, and determine those few little things that will make a difference and allow for or create a structure that will allow a system to expand and contract and respond in the most efficient and effective ways... and every opinion or insight has merit in devising such a system... but if you can agree on the structure, knowing that the structure will allow for all of the other conversations once the structure is in place.  That's what there is to agree to in order to generate unity. The rest is about having the commitment and discipline to focus on those things which make the greatest difference, inside a paradigm of 10 second sound bites and graphics.   And when you're on tv and they avoid the issues by redirecting the conversation to a personal attack or a policy of someone you had nothing to do with, just dig deep down and laugh in their faces until you get the opening to say how funny it is that they'll do anything to avoid the truth. But if you can't get that it's funny, don't laugh, because you won't be able to pull it off. You have to get the joke.

Read the Bible a lot last night... found the answers in the stars.

11/23/2002 2:30am

Here's one for you. Just had this strange feeling that within 10 days we'll be looking back at executive orders issued at Christmas Time while Congress was away in the interest of national security, and the truth about their outcomes and benefactors.  There have been some dillies. Maybe not, now. Ya never know.

Cryptoman gave me some great insights tonight about something that should have been obvious to me... that reality is created in language therefore creation does, in fact, occur in the speaking, and it must be heard or witnessed in order to cause creation. It actually explains a lot to me. A lot. Interesting.  Way too obvious. Are you confused, yet? :}

Now I'm not so sure  that a tree falling in the forest does makes a noise. It doesn't make sound, we sense something and call it sound. :} Just joking.  Don't get too serious now.

Watched "Castro" followed by "The Bible" last night... what a combo.

Email from a 30 year old site user

"I'll do anything to see real Democracy finally be  used in the U.S...."

Everytime I need to remind myself that no matter how much fun I'm going to have being with people, and dealing with "the bean bag",  that statements like that, people like him, are the reason I'm doing what I'm doing.  It's like kids... Creators of the Universe... :} my favorite chapter  (I still feel like I'm going to adopt a child or something) The generation gap is upon us, only it's 3 ways instead of 2... I'm smack dab on the cusps of 2 of them... and a bad imitation of FDR and a few other notable characters in charge. And I keep thinking about my experiences, the possibilities good and bad that could occur in the near future, and I think... remember this, just think back and remember this... what kind of world are we leaving for our children?  Remember when we asked our parents what kind of world were they going to leave us?

I was 8 years old, and home from school with a cold the day John Kennedy was shot.

My father loved to build wooden toys for me.  He did different things with each of us 6 children.  And that's what he did in order to relate to me. He built cars, houses, little wooden people and all sorts of things.  But the thing he made me that I loved the best was a simple rectangular wooden box that was made to look like an old-fashioned telephone switchboard operator's connection console... just like you see in the old movies.

It wasn't very fancy, but little lights lit up and he supplied me with a set of aviator's headphones to "listen".  We lived way out in the country on a 5 acre "ranch" in the Santa Cruz Mountains that was a parcel which had previously been a part of my grandparents and great grand parents' farm. We had a garden in the summer that was the horse corral in the winter (easier access to the horses in bad weather, and great fertilizer too).  It was about a 1/2 acre.

Now, my father didn't exactly relate to people the way most normal people do.  He was supposed to have been an off the charts genius, and from what I have learned, he was.   So, he liked to have political discussions with me.  From the time I was 5 or 6. And he was a die hard, anti-communist Republican.

But for some reason, he really liked President Kennedy. I'd hear him talking about Kennedy, Eisenhower... he was an incredibly politically opinionated if not active. But I remember him talking. Talking about justice, equality and the economy and the military (though I'm not so sure I came away with his opinions, just analysis, like Buchanan :}   The sons will do what their fathers wouldn't) And the books I chose to read as a kid were biographies of the founding fathers, their speeches and accounts of their lives.

Ever since my father made me that telephone switchboard I was talking about, we'd go out to the edge of the garden, just as the sun was going down, and he'd have me pretend to call President John. F. Kennedy. We'd talk about school, the weather, I'd tell him what my dad said about him, and told him I liked him alot.  Then he'd say he had to go. So, I'd unplug the chords from the switchboard, and put it away for another day.

And then, like I said, I was home sick when President Kennedy was assassinated.  I watched it on tv.  I listened to it on the radio.  I  thought maybe our country was under attack.  I thought about my dad talking about communism and socialism and capitalism and I wondered what would happen in the future. It was alot like September 11th.

We lived way out in the country, and I was afraid to go outside. It was a very frightening day. Among other things, to me, I had also lost a friend. In a way, John Kennedy was my imaginary friend.  I had a vivid imagination for and 8 year old. (And no, I never had any "imaginary friends")

I remember my father following the trial intently, and almost betting his life on Jim Garrison and the trial of Clay Shaw.  He said it would be the thing that would reveal the truth.

When Clay Shaw was acquitted of complicity in the death of John Kennedy, my father seemed very disappointed and sad. Because my father, like most people I've ever known, never believed that President Kennedy died at the hands of the lone assassin, Lee Harvey Oswald.   And authorities didn't want to hear the story Jack Ruby wanted to tell, despite his many requests to testify. Jack Ruby was the man who assassinated Oswald before there could be a trial.

In the three month period surrounding the time of Kennedy's Assassination, the leaders of 9 other nations were assassinated as well, including the President of Viet Nam.

After that, my father started telling people he was a Libertarian, and to question authority.

It was only last year that I came to understand what people meant about John Kennedy when they talked about Camelot.  I watched a movie starring Sean Connery about King Arthur, and finally came to realize it was the vision Kennedy expressed, and the one I so believed in.  The one that everyone talks about, the way thngs should be, that they've given up believing could ever be possible.

It was a dream worthy of dreaming. Of true justice, and truth, and equality and freedom. Of a government taking full responsibility for the well being of its citizens,whatever that meant, whatever it took.

And you can talk about globalization and integration and von Hayek and Keynes and economic theory and planned economies all you want.. but it all still adds up to the fact that when John Kennedy was assassinated, it was the beginning of the end of a dream, a hope of a government that would serve the interests and well-being of its citizens over the interests of the wealthy and the powerful. It marked the resurgence of a paradigm that people in the 60's called the Military Industrial Complex.

So, when you hear people talk of  President John F. Kennedy, and his assassination, and Martin Luther King and Senator Robert Kennedy... understand that these   people were the people of  the older generations who defined and expressed the true character of this nation... the intent of the founders of this nation... the world we really intended to provide you, as we requested our parents to provide us... remember what Senator Ted Kennedy said "The Dream Will Never Die"  ... and then remember that it's up to you demand it and create it.

Everything is possble.  All you have to do is want it.  The dream did not die.  It lives in our hearts and imaginations.

In honor of that dream, that Camelot, and the man in America who back then was the symbol of the intent and heart and soul of this nation 39 years ago... that's what we lost...  let's bring that dream back to life. Let's live it.  It's the greatest gift and honor we could possibly bestow upon him on this anniversary of his death, as well as ourselves.

That's tomorrow's cast. }4am.  Even I sleep :} Really, I do.

5pm : Dear Superman: Rest well and take care.  We need ya.  Remember, s**t happens...

In about 1970 or so, the people in Santa Cruz had a lttle mini-riot where women's groups threw raw meat at Miss California contestants... that's when and why they moved the pageant to Santa Barbara.

I knew TC didn't have the guts.More shallow bravado. :}

This is a US Citizen who will not acquiesce or be silent about anyhting and everything.. No matter who doesn't like it or why.

L:Stop having my favorite people on.  I'm trying to work on the news:}

12:30pm For the record: The Alistair Cooke and Mencken quote are not intended to be messages to the media... it is there to cause people to notice the difference. No offense intended.

11/22/2002 2am -

Now that the interest rates are so low, is big business taking out lots of large loans? Or, are they waiting til after the first of the year, so that when 1,000,000 run out of unemployment, and they pull the rates down more to "stimulate the economy", and then they pass an investment tax credit, and then the companies start taking out huge loans, while the housing and fuel prices inflate, and the tax break goes permanent.   Sort of sets the stage for another financial house of cards, with the consumer paying the price. Unemployment will go down, but avg wage relative to inflation/#of wage earners. will be lower over the 18 month period... backdoor inflation... Just my hunch. Sorry Don. How many methods can be juggled at once? Not all bad, but certainly deceptive.

11/21/1pm pt:

Green ties, green titles... shirts... ever been to Solvang? The existential question of the day: what could it possibly mean?  Doesn't go with the background graphics, though. Like I said, I'm not good at left drift. If there's something to say, you know where I am. But that color is the same as the vest on my favorite jacket. :} Yet another edition of "Do they even know what I'm talking about?" And when they find out, will they, too, giggle? Strawbs, 1971, "Part of the Union". Synchronicity too? A mix

Daschle's comments are correct, but unwelcomed because.   Once again, what he offers is complaints... he and many other Democrats actually believe that Americans understand the issues on a subject that requires a great deal of understanding. Dear Democrats... the people you are talking to aren't wonks.

Offer alternatives, not complaints.  Offer vision, not criticism. But, as usual, you'll do what you'll do, because, you all know better than the serfs. :}  Be the experts, and when you're through, you'll be able to look back and understand why you're no longer an elected official. And you'll have done it to yourselves... while blaming the American people for not being informed.

I only complain and criticize because I'm not in the position to address mass media... (yet)  A couple months, I'll supply the example. Something in my gut tells me I shouldn't have to. On the other hand, as the song goes, If not you, then who?

11/20/2002 - 10:40pm

I've been writing about relationships all day... it's good, but very deep. :}

Everytime I feel compelled to write one of thse little stories, I wonder why, but regret when I don't. And each time I do, they became relevant in the world or in my life within a day or two.  Let's see where this one leads. I know it's in the books somewhere. :}

So, I've talked about my "deal with God"... whatever you think of that, whether it actually leads me to knowledge or if you think it's just a fantasy I cause to come to fruition myself, it is part of my interpretation of my reality.  Therefore, for the sake of this story, we'll call it reality.  My reality, if you wish.

There's an old phrase, be careful what you ask for, you might get it. I have to be careful with that every bit as much as when I say I don't understand something.   Every once in a while, I ask for something very specific, and it happens. And it always shocks me. But I always realize afterward that it was to teach me something very important.

The final preface, this is a report of the observer, not the liver of my life.  It should be read as an observation, not a complaint or a reason.

After getting divorced, my experience of the people around me had a great deal to do with people seeing me as a symbol of something.  I owned my own small business as a computer consultant, and they were constantly asking me to let them be partners in the business.  In one way, I would have been happy to do so.

But, I'd ask them, what do you bring to the business?  What skills can we use to be able to support paying you what you want to be paid?  And, can you support yourself until we reach the point where the business was expanded enough to support you?   In every case, the answer basically boiled down to a requirement for me to support them at a salary level to which tey were accustomed until they were trained and therefore productive of a saleable product.

My business was a one-man operation relying heavily on legitimate contractors to deal with work overflow.

The women I met were very nice.  But I got the feeling I was viewed as some kind of a prize instead of a man.  Women were very aggressive in approaching me for dates and sharing their dreams of family and home.  And I had no problem with that fundamentally.  In most ways,  was very mainstream in my life style and my goals in life... family, business, home... I very much enjoyed sharing some of my ideas with them, and visions of the future.  What they mainly asked about had to do with material things.

Ultimately, I became a bit disenchanted with the idea of keeping my business going.   My clients hadn't changed.  The people I knew hadn't changed, but for the first time in a long time, I felt like I needed other people, and other people were simply attached to the idea that I was fully self-contained, and, as always, was available to assist them in understanding their lives and feelings.

I divested myself of almost all possessions so that I could be sure that when people were attracted to me, they were attracted to me, not money, not their image of me, nor their image of my occupation. One time I bought a bright red Camaro. Someone told me the car fit my personality.  I'm still not sure I know what they meant.

I remember meeting a woman I affectionately call Crazy Eve... she's a book or two all by herself... a beatutiful woman who, I actually think wanted to make me happy, but truly had never wanted to make a man happy like that before... and really didn't know how to do it... and so, made herself miserable trying to make me happy by doing things and saying things based upon her perceptions and interpretations of what all the men she had known before wanted and acted  like. The fact that I wasn't like them is what mademe attractive to her, and became what she understood least. With her beauty and intelligence, she was used to having her own way. She just couldn't understand the idea that all I wanted her to do was be herself.  She was a very cool person once you got past what made her crazy.

She was a very sexual woman.  In fact, I found out later that she was the Priestess of a Pagan group (I had nothing to do with).  In essence, her job was to service all the men in the group.  She was studying to be a sex therapist.  And she was very addicted to sex. Our relationship ended when she became pregnant, and despite her insistence that I was her only partner, the fact is that I have a birth defect that made that impossible.  Even though she isisted that "a miracle must have happened". In effect, she couldn't deal with her own "infidelity" under the circumstances.

I was working on the radio back then, and had one of those problems with women being attracted with my voice on a cool jazz format, and they would become fixated on me.   I called the police more than once, having been concerned that my rejections of sexual advances over the request line would trigger a violent action by someone.  If nothing else, this was going on less than 40 miles from where "Play Misty For Me" was filmed.:}

Nonetheless... at that point, I decided I would choose to be celibate.  Not celibate like I simply would not have sex.  Celibate like, until I was really sure that the person I was consider sharing that kind of intimacy with was someone I could be committed to, then I would abstain from sex.  And, understand, this is not something I recommend or advise to anyone else.  It's just the path I took, in order to learn, and in order to be true to myself. To be who I wanted to be, authentic and caring being honest with other people in every way. And let's not be coy or naive.  I love sex.   I just don't require it to validate or empower myself. And I didn't want to generate a relationship based on sex, or anything else that masked the true sharing of myself with someone else, and the sharing of someone else with me, based on things that were external or material.

Then, I moved to Atlanta, came back to California... ended up in those business dealings that messed up my finances and caused me many, many problems, and made me a very angry person. So I moved to Yosemite so that I could relax, live in nature, where I felt most comfortable.  And to re-evaluate what had happened to me, and how I could proceed without getting caught in that kind of bind again.

At a certain point, some 6 months later, iw as feeling pretty good. I was working at the local radio station.  I had people stopping by on the weekends... tourists and property owners who only came up there on the weekends and holdays... they'd stop by and I'd play a few tunes on the guitar, adn after a while, I had a pretty steady following.

So I was feeling pretty good, and having fun again.  One night, I was looking at the shooting stars in the dark, dark skies above Yosemite (you could see one every 5 minutes or so if you paid attention) and I started thinking to myself, if there was anything that could make my life better, what would it be?

I thought about it.  And being in a silly mood, I said to myself, what would make it better is if a young, beautiful polynesian woman knocked on the door and spent the night with me.

About ten minutes later, there was a knock on the door. It was 11:30 pm.  I thought, "This is weird".

So, I opened the door, and there was a beautiful, young Hawaiian woman standing on my porch.

She said "Hi"  and said nothing else.

I said "Hi".

She said, "Could I come in and hang out with you?"

I looked at her.  I asked her to back away from the door, which she did, and I proceeded to look around the corner to see if some guy was there to jump me after she had me distracted.  It was a popular method of operation in the area for robbers.   This was right after Carey Stayner murdered the Sundquists in Yosemite, and he hadn't been found yet.

She asked me what I was doing.  I said "Well, ya have to admit, it's kind of unusual for someone your age to knck on a single guy's door at this time of night asking to come in and hang out. I don't even know you".

She said "That's all right.  I've seen you before. you seem nice.  And I'm 19".

I didn't believe her. But I let her in.  I thought, well, if God's gonna send her, I shouldn't turn her away.  What else was I to think?  The truth was, I hadn't spent much time in Yosemite being with too many people on a personal level, so it might be fun to see what this young lady wanted to talk about.

In most ways, it was a very innocent night.  In other ways, it was incredibly exciting.  She was about 5 feet tall, long dark hair, big brown eyes and was about as pretty as a guy who had been celibate for 7 years could want. I tried very hard not to let it show, every bit as much as I knew she wasn't even 18 yet.

We talked until 7 am.  We talked about poetry and music and art and life and friends and nature and love. It was the most satisfying conversation and sharing I'd had with someone in years. And I have to admit, it was difficult to resist her advances during the lulls.  She'd put her hands behind her head and stretch and spread her legs and do everything she could to tease me. I have to admit it was flattering and fun.  But I resisted. She'd say, "You really want it, don't you?"

I remember very well how I'd just shake my head and grin, and turn my head away blushing and then I'd get even with her by saying "Does your father know you're here?" I didn't know it at the time, but I had become friends with her father months before.  He was a police officer.

I finally kicked her out at 7am, and told her she'd better get home before her mother began to worry about her.  She just laughed, and walked away.  I had no idea where she went.

Around 11 am that morning, I let the dog out to do his morning business, then went into take a shower.  I always left the door to the house open so the dog could go out at will.

When I came out of the shower, naked of course, I walked out to the kitchen, and there she was, making breakfast.  I looked at her, she giggled, and I hurriedly went into the bedroom and got dressed.

When I came back out, we had pancakes and bacon and coffee and juice... I don't know where it all came from, because I didn't have those ingredients in the cupboard.  But it was a good meal, and it had been a while since anyone had cooked for me.

By then it was noon, but we were talking and enjoying each other's company.  I was amazed to meet someone so young who had the consciousness and sensitivity and understanding she displayed.  It was rare in an older people my age (I was about 40 at the time). And, other than her occasional sexual taunts,   it was  a very innocent and refreshing time.  After a while, I realized the taunts were because she knew I was safe, but still liked the idea that she could manipulate me in her own way. We talked until the sun went down.

But just for the record, I have to tell you, that day, she was wearing a skimpy leather outfit... a leather vest and skirt... and she sat in places and positions strategically to give me selected views of her body at will, and always teased me about it when she did.   I was proud of myself for resisting it, and sort of ashamed of it myself for for enjoying it.  But, in all fairness, I would always stop her when she started her little escapades.

About 8 that evening, her father stopped by and  said "Oh, this is where you've been. I should have known."  Turns out, he had told her and some other friends about me, and that's why she felt safe hanging out at my house.

When they left together, I gave her my favorite Monet lithograph and a hug, and we both giggled a little, and away they walked.  The next weekend, it was her 18th birthday.   But I never saw her again. Personally, I took it as a sign. That weekend, we had both come of age in our own separate ways. We had learned what we each needed to know.

Though I have to admit, I've never quite been able to get over how it all happened. I'm just glad it did. But I'm alot more careful and specific about what I ask for.

--

I don't know why I felt compelled to write down that story.  Maybe we'll find out in a few days.:}

PS. I know who you really are, always have, never really doubted it. I believe you are beginning to know me too. It never was important, just desired, and something I knew I had lost and hoped to see something like again. :} Peace.

11/20/2002 -

If I'd known Clive was going to be on, I'd have thrown a party!

wwjd is right on the mark... I'm not sure I like their actual commercial, because it sounds a little sanctimonious... but their message is much more simple than what car would Jesus Drive... it's about, it if we are a country that actually believings in the teachings of God, then we have yo accept responsibility for the welfare of the planet, because God's teachings say we should.  The real question they ask, poorly, is, do we really believe in God? I think it's great... and funny.

Not only do I think Al Gore could beat GW, I think he could win with a landslide. On 3 conditions:

1) He develops a communicatable vision of his policies and personna that are authentic, even when awkward or not the popular perception. Perception is not the truth.  It is generated.

2) That he speaks to Americans as adult partners in the future of the country

3) That he doesn't allow himself to be drawn into a defensive position on anything based on Republican verbal tactics... that he remains focused on communicating his own agenda.

This is not a time for image generating rhetoric.

As for new aged silliness... do some research on the demographics.  You rely on quantifiable numbers already in the system.   I don't. :}

Hope you like Barbra in the Music mix.:}

11/19/2002 -

It is, indeed a whole new world... and I've been imagining what it looks like.. so says the Aeon... today, with what I'm thinking about as the theme for tonight's 'cast... and how writing For the Love of the World gets me feeling very philosophical.  And I'm reminded how when Paul Peterson described his experience of using LSD at Stanford... well, I just decided I didn't need acid to experience that.  I know I'll regret making that statement :} but I can explain it.

These days, you have  to be willing to sue because $$$ compensation is our measure of justice.  I don't really believe in the concept of reparations, but if you have to join the economic war in order to achieve parity, then it's the only real course available.

I know it's probably strange to some that I'm writing this journal.  I have many specific reasons for doing it. If it's relevant for people to wonder 20 years from now, there'll be plenty more to discover.  Remember, I love good theatre. :} And only one person could probably appreciate that statement at this moment.

Ah, the Africa trip... Judy Woodfruff will love it. It's actually based more on the concepts at www.mothersactingup.org  I think that's the url. It has to do with honoring the true intent of mother's day, not the modern day commercialized token act of appreciation it's become. I don't mean that as critically as that sounds. Part of one of the books I'm doing will examine the true meanngs and intents of our national holidays.

How will history remember you?.. Kevin Kline can, indeed, get  me out to a theatre. I'm squirming in my chair.

Al... I'm your VP! Glad to hear you haven't ruled ANYBODY out :}

Sorry, just can't help myself.  Besides, he's seen it before. :}

PS: Possibility with NPR!

9:50pm pt - Here's an opinion you wouldn't expect. If you believe in bottom up management, then you would understand the sociological pattern that indicates that those who are affected will cause the resolution of their own condition.

The idea of decentralizing federal social services is actually a good idea so long as the central government does not abandon the local governements and force them to deal with conditions that have been allowed to deteriorate to the detriment of the citizens.   It is ultimately the responsibility of the central government to ensure the well being and safety of the people.  An appropriate system that meets the varying needs of any community is key to the success of the decentralizing concept, if it is actually intended to serve the people.

However, central government has the opportunity to empower local communities to take on tasks by fair and committed distribution of funding. Of course, as with any power structure, corruption of process and intent is imperative.

Further, to decrease taxes on the federal level and thereby, forcing local governments on multiple levels to raise taxes and levees to make up for reduction of federal services increases taxation many times over, to meet organizational and administrative costs, funding distribution and fraud prevention, provides the facade of frugal management on the federal level while burdening the preponderance of Americans with a detrimental, forced systemic conversion instead of a well executed, transformational cooperative effort that could have positiive nationalistic benefits.

In the case of defense and safety of the people,  it is absolutely the responsibility of the central government to provide services and materials, in the interest of preserving human and civil rights in an even-handed, objective manner, free of the passions of local events, but committed to meeting the needs of each community. Further, capable of transcending personal belief and inventing methods that honor the intent of the constitution while accomplishing the goals that the future demands that we take on today..

It's important for individual citizens and communities to seek alternative means of creating their futures, as that is what is at the heart of innovation, much as the small business used to be relied upon to bring the next best invention or method. And it's just as important to be willing to stand for a system that allows for everything to be possible, and to become a part of it and direct it to keep it in service to the people.   The system isn't broken.  It has simply been disregarded and subverted.

What influences indeed?

4pm pt:

It's funny... I woke up this morning, attempting to focus my energies.. and what I do when I do that is think, or look at myself in the mirror, and come up with a way, in one sentence, to communicate who I am in the matter of what I want to accomplish.  This morning, it was "I am someone willing to do anything legal and honest in order to contribute to the world".

Hard to tell why I found it important to share that...:}

11/18/2002 1:15pm pt

I can tell this is going to be an interesting day.  I keep viewing what the Bush Administration and people of his ilke want to do... I'll go into it in depth and how, in the loosest terms, I actually agree with the theorhetical sociolgical change they are attempting to enforce... except that I believe it should be free-will based and that a great deal can be accomplished through positive proganda instead of negative propaganda. Fascinating. And people would want the positive influence.  I actually enjoy most of the commercials on tv... and I used to ignore them. Completely.

I really get excited about what's going on with the Union.  By Thursday, we will have our first real alliance with an organization in the UK... then I'll pull in some info from some folks in Moscow... we've decided to do a documentary on the trip... including the part of going to the Apartheid Museum. Just haven't figured out if we should do it ourselves, or pitch it to someone.  It'll be much different than you've ever seen on the subject of Africa.  It'll be about Africa, but it won't really be about Africa.   Another riddle.  I've been reading too much Joyce.

If you hear from our PR Person.... keep in mind, we're just out to do good.. like I said "to turn people into friends... in the end".

Some of the organizations aligning with the Union include some incredible and incredibly well known experts in the field of ecology and rainforests, one of the finest research institutes in America, having done a great deal of research on a subject I actually pitched to them once... replicatable social programs... and some synchronicity that occurred to someone in my group which will likely result in a grant to fund the Africa project.  The head of a certain foundation just felt compelled to call. :} By the way, we expect the Afghanistan trip will occur immediately after the Africa trip.

This travel program is called Bridges to the World... and it will be ongoing.

Are we ever going to get to see the Saudi Arabian satellite channel?

Gore just needs exposure. And a good vice-president. :}

:}

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